Thursday, September 11, 2014

Tagalog Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog For Kids About Girls

Tagalog Funny Quotes Biography

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He would make a lovely corpse.

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.

I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

I have never been hurt by what I have not said.

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I like marriage. The idea.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.

I never said most of the things I said.

I rant, therefore I am.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I think serial monogamy says it all.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.

I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

Tagalog Funny Quotes Funny Quotes About Life About Friends And Sayings About Love About School Tumblr Tagalog For Kids About Girls